I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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