my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
