Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
