ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
