maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
