Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
