I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
