apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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