My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize