Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize