Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
