even my farts smell like vagina
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
