i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There r osticjed everywhere
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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