my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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