Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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