My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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