She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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