If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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