apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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