That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
