So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
