No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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