I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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