already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
