Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
