My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
