And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
