i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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