Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
