Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
