States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
