This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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