I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You are a genius and a whore.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
