1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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