everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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