just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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