So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
