I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Two words: blizzard sex
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