I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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