I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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