nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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