Who did Billy Mays play for?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
