I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
