He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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