I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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