So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
