it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
