Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
