I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
