The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
