wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize