I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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