Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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