Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
