I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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