Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
