mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will be naked everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
