Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
