I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
