Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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