I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
