So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize