Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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