Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
