Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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