Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did we literally take a cab across the street
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
soo... how was my night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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