Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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