when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
