Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
