when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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