I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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