Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
