He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
