Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
