Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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