I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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