i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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