I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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