I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
