my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
