dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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