Define "chronic" masturbator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize