Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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