you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
