So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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