Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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