You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
