Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
