So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
