i may or may not be watching the land before time
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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