I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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