After last night, I could never be a politician.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
