I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
