My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
