I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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