Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
