Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
