is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize