Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
