I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
