there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
